(…) you were lying at the other side of the bed (…) I desired you so much that i couldn’t move from the awe i was feeling from merely watching you, as if I was glued in that very position forever. I didn’t know how to start eating you again and again (…)
And I rolled over and lied,and watched you smoking with your right hand , your left arm making you a fake pillow, half touching the back side of the bed. And kept watching and watching you, lusting after you as no one ever have.
Your cigarette burnt all, you half stood up looking for where to put it out. Instead of looking for an ashtray, I watched you slowly pushing it on my exposed naked back. I didn’t see your face, i only watched your hand and cigarette, I didn’t move and let you finish what you started. I stood up after it was over and tears filled my eyes.
“I only cry because all these years I believed you might not have loved me, but you wouldn’t harm me either. “, i said and dressed up unwillingly.
I sit in the room’s armchair, by the bed. I rolled a cigarette from my tobacco – found them lying somewhere on the floor, and light it up with the lighter he had given me once.
From the radio true love will find you in the end started playing (…)
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